To be 20-something and grieving is hard.
20-Something and Grieving
Some don’t experience grief, sadness, or loss until later in life while others face this emptying too early. Sorrow is the part of life that doesn’t usually show up on Instagram or Facebook. After all, those platforms are for contrived and perfect photos. Good vibes only.
And if someone does post their difficulties, there will always be at least one comment (and a hundred others thinking), “Is Facebook (or other social media) the place for this?”
Grief is uncomfortable.
So how does a 20-something navigate grief? What are the tricks and tips to hurrying grief along so happiness can frame life again? Is there a safe place to remember loved ones?
Process Your Grief Aloud
In that search for how to handle grief, this 20-something read an article (and I wish I could link it here but I don’t remember where it was) that said one of the best ways to grieve healthfully is to share memories. Laugh over the silly stories. Cry over the sad ones. And share what you know that someone else maybe didn’t.
Don’t clam up. Don’t silence the memories of people. Speak them out.
Be a friend to the grieving by inviting them to share their stories.
Search Out Grief Resources
I’m 20-something and grieving. And I’m thankful that I didn’t experience grief until now, but, heavens, how does anyone ever survive sorrow?
I began searching (aka started a Pinterest board about grief). I read 6 Books for Grief and Loss. And, I also wrote When Life is Interrupted by Struggle to express the process of grieving. My understanding of grief is small, but I think it’s something that you and I should talk about.
Grief is a part of life.
Write Your Memories
There are many ways to share memories. One of them is to write.
Throughout the past couple months of grieving, I’ve realized that there are things every day that remind me of loved ones who are no longer in my life. Scents trigger memories and restaurants even do as well!
Journal those memories or text them to someone who is also grieving and will understand. Write a blog post.
Listen To Stories
A lot of 20-somethings have been grieving the death of grandparents, loved ones, friends, professors. It’s that time.
One of my favorite professors from university died from cancer this last year, and the Facebook group that started out as a place for prayer updates has become a platform for sharing memories and photos. It’s hard to see this, but it’s beautiful to not be alone in the grieving.
Facebook can be a place for the 20-something who is grieving.
Write A List
I like lists. There is something so stabilizing about a hearty list.
I’ve written the following list as I’ve grappled with the grief of losing my grandparents to old age. It has helped my grief process, and if you’re grieving, I hope it inspires you to grieve how you need to.
Grief is real.
10 Things To Remember Grandpa Bob and Grandma Betty
- Share ice cream and pancakes.
Grandma and Grandpa’s freezer was bricked full of ice cream, but Grandma’s switch to fat free and low fat was disappointing.
Why lose weight? Her hugs were soft and safe.
And Grandpa’s allegiance to Saturday morning pancakes inspired saliva-inducing choices—plain or blueberry?
- Visit Florida’s Disney World.
Grandpa beasted Buzz Lightyear like no one’s business, and when he was in a wheelchair, we were whisked to the front of the line—old age does have its perks.
Meanwhile, another time, Grandma Betty discovered that the “little train” aka Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was actually a little roller coaster. She displayed amazing restraint when she disembarked a little worse for the wear to set her husband straight on his terminology.
- Never give up.
Did you know Grandpa? That man was more fit at 80 than I was at 16.
And Grandma, she may have been small but she knew how to handle a classroom of children—I know people who would have thrown in the towel at the very thought of teaching anyone anything but especially children.
- Perfect my usage of “Yes, dear.”
Grandma Betty always had something to say, whether it was the story of how she set her cap for Grandpa or a warning about watching for alligators in the ocean. (true story)
And Grandpa had perfected his response. “Yes, dear.”
- Painting with acrylic or watercolor.
Grandma’s paintings littered every speck of wall space in their Warren and Florida homes. They depicted people or landscape or flowers. And I, after spending hours staring at these paintings, consider them old friends and witnesses to my childhood.
- Visiting the county fair.
Sunscreen in pores and dust fading shoes as we looked for our fair entries. The ribbon code was simple: Blue for first place and red for second. Grandma always had more blues than reds.
Here’s a truth—a Warren County Fair best of show red ribbon still hangs on my bedroom wall (let’s ignore the fact my little sister got the blue one that year).
- Eat at or even see Hoss’s, Golden Corral, Ponderosa, or Perkins.
There were no other restaurants to Grandpa Bob and Grandma Betty.
- Read more and often.
I think I’ll forever see Grandpa in my mind’s eye, sitting in his armchair with a novel in his hand. He read so much. My favorite thing was to read in the same room as him—a silent camaraderie as we explored separate worlds.
- Eat an apple, core and all.
Grandpa had this huge garden where he’d break mint right off the plant and munch on it, and he let us kids pick the blueberries off his nearby monster bush (maybe he just wanted free labor, but we weren’t consistent pickers).
But the oddest thing was how he ate apples whole except for the stem.
- Refuse to say goodbye because, “It’s not goodbye, it’s see you later.”
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