30 regrets before 30 seemed like a catchy post name for my “oh-hey-i’m-30-now” post, and so here I am trying to come up with a list of 30 regrets. This is particularly hard if you’re anything like me and hate the word “regret” and also are mostly a goody-two-shoes with a tiny dash of wild, that probably tastes like cinnamon (and not cayenne or some firey spice). Oh, man, take a breath, Barbara.

I’m not really a fan of “regret.” I’d rather not consider any part of my life or decision to be a regret…because let’s see, pretty much any decision that left a bad taste in my mouth taught me something. So there’s that side of regret — the learning side. Regret is a GREAT teacher. In fact, it’s taught me a few things about myself, other people, and just general living. So you know what, I think I’m gonna have to admit it here: I’m grateful for my list of regrets.

Let’s go.

30 Regrets Before 30

1. Telling my next-door neighbor boy when we were both single digits that he couldn’t come over and play. (That probably sounds silly but watching his dejected shoulders leave my driveway is forever seared in my memory. I regret that.)
2. Removing my dip nails myself (my nails really regretted that).
3. Any time I’ve EVER cut my hair myself (especially that one time in high school where I decided bangs were a good idea…I think I slicked my hair into a ponytail for about 3 months waiting for that hair to grow back)
4. Not hanging out with friends because all I saw on my face was a giant zit. (Yeah, it was huge, but seriously, a zit is not the end of the world, teen Barbara)
5. Saying “no” to the boy who asked me to prom. (Teen Barbara, it was not a marriage proposal. Chill a little.)
6. Making any decision because the cute boy was doing it. (though some of those decisions actually turned out okay)
7. Thinking it was a good idea to go to school ever (I was homeschooled, and I begged and begged and begged until my parents agreed to put me in school. After a year, I asked if I could return to homeschool. Bless them for saying yes [I was not an easy child].)
8. Attending (any) party that felt like an obligation.
9. Keeping my word when it would have been healthier to excuse myself from whatever commitment I over-committed myself to.
10. Not traveling to Bolivia and Peru with my college friends one summer (granted, there were some other situations that made that tough).
11. Being too harsh and too “black and white” in a world that is layered and filled with many shades of color.
12. Refusing to allow myself to cry when I was hurt or sad because I thought I had to be strong. (I’m still learning this one)
13. Wearing shoes that are too small because they are cute. (I’m so sorry, feet)
14. Not stepping in or standing up for someone who is experiencing bullying of any type. (or speaking up against mean gossip)
15. Trusting outside voices more than my own internal voice. (and allowing those voices way too much power over me)
16. Being too blunt sometimes (Barbara, you’ve got to learn more about kindness)
17. Losing friends along the way of life (I know many of these friendships just change due to distance and such, but I still miss these people)
18. Not finding the aerial arts sooner!
19. Finding out another girl liked a guy so then I decided to lay claim to him (wow, i’m embarrassed about that one. fyi, I don’t do that anymore)
20. Not understanding how food fuels the body sooner
21. The hurtful, inconsiderate, uncaring things I’ve said to people because I didn’t know better (But, gosh, some of them were kind enough to reveal their hurt and to hold up a mirror to me so I could see myself and how I needed to change)
22. Not having my first kiss until 24 (hahaha, kissing is loads of fun. geeezzzz)
23. Thinking I had life all figured out when I was 12. (oh, bb girl, you had no idea what was coming)
24. Allowing fear to get in the way of advocating for myself, trying something new, doing something out of my comfort zone.
25. Forgetting that it’s okay for me to keep some parts of my life private.
26. Taking so dang long to start believing in myself and hard work to get me to my dreams.
27. Some of my fashion choices over the years have been a little out there.
28. All those mean thoughts about different people who I found/find/will-find annoying.
29. Eating 8 slices of pizza to prove that I was one of the guys (in middle school)…ugh that stomach ache.
30. Taking life WAY TOO SERIOUSLY (hun, it’s okay to jump and look later, sometimes. okay, you can peek. but please leap a little)

Life is not easy, but it is more than I could have ever imagined. And while some of my regrets are silly and some didn’t even make the list (because let’s be honest, healthy boundaries are crucial), each of these numbered items has shaped and taught me something. Regret is one of the best teachers.

So, happy birthday to me, and may I continue to live boldly, bravely, and kindly!

Love to all of you who’ve taken the time to wish me birthday greetings, read this post, and have walked alongside me in this life!