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Thirty-One, What’s the Story Here?

January 20, 2021 Leave a Comment

Over a year ago, a friend handed me a booklet — truly, she gifted it to me. I love beautiful notebooks with blank pages, but if I’m being completely honest, I rarely use these beautiful notebooks. I used to journal, but now I don’t. Maybe someday I’ll write the story of why I don’t journal anymore, but first I need to tell that story to myself.

But this booklet. It was poetry to me.

And so I collected sentences, phrases, and words. Then I used those words, phrases, and sentences for a starting point for tiny fictions. I’d sit with those words, and I’d ask them, “What’s the story here?”

Maybe it’s because I felt a little shattered myself: once again, life had gone off-course. (Does this happen to everyone else too?) I needed those stories. I needed those words. I delighted in unlocking each tiny fiction. I was telling myself stories — stories of love, heartbreak, family, and more.

Thirty-One, What’s the Story Here?

Here I am, with this superfluous birthday post. Last year, I wrote this witty, ditzy post on 30 Regrets Before 30. It’s was the perfect mix of laughter, sobriety, vulnerability, and boundaries.

And now, here I am at the elegant prime of 31. And apparently, 31 is a self-prime number, meaning “a given number base $b$ is a natural number that cannot be written as the sum of any other natural number $n$ and the individual digits of $n$ .” (Many thanks Wikipedia)

While I did know that 31 was a prime number, I didn’t know that the story of 31 included a “self prime.” And I kinda love it. Not all prime numbers are also self numbers. But, let’s get away from math because that’s not really my forte.

So, What’s the Story Here?

Rather than spending many more words talking about myself, and trying to pretend that I have anything figured out at this self-prime number of thirty-one, I thought I’d share with you some of my favorite tiny fictions.

After all, are not our lives threaded together by stories? The stories we tell ourselves? The stories we live together? The stories we share when we start to get to know someone? Which of our stories are all the way true? And which are nice fictions we write to gloss a painful memory?

She stuffed herself — full of life

While listening to Becoming by Michelle Obama, she told a striking story about a dear friend of hers who “stuffed herself full of life.” That phrase gripped me. I wanted to know what that would look like. Did I live my life like that? How does one “stuff herself full of life”?

When did I love you become a bandaid?

Have you ever used the words “I love you” to try to band-aid a moment, rather than working through a disagreement or whatever? I wonder how often we become lazy with our “I love yous.” And that wondering turned into the above story.

it’s not enough anymore.

Certain words feel lukewarm in my mouth though I use them in my regular vernacular. Words like “fine” and “nice.” They’re overused, and they kinda don’t feel good in my mouth. Every time I determine to not use one of these words I don’t love, it slips out.

I think, once upon a time, I believed in love.

Love is easy to romanticize. Is it possible that it’s only a formula? In story writing and in life? I’m not so sure, and many of my experiences of romantic love has not been great until my now relationship that feels equal parts romance and nitty-gritty communicative love.

Love is a 1000000 little promises kept – Nancy E. Turner

I wanted to know what a million little promises kept looked like, and Elliot and Anne showed me. It’s those little promises and consistencies that carry the bigger moments.

You were always allowed to touch me, but I could never reach you.

Have you ever been with someone, whether a romantic partner or even just a friend, where you could not find their heart? No matter how you sought to know them, they dodged you? It’s one of the worst kinds of pain as far as I’m concerned. One of the greatest gifts of humanity is being known — not everyone should know you deeply. But being known is the most vulnerable, real, daring thing one can do.

Happiness was her currency

Another phrase sifted from the pages of Becoming by Michelle Obama. That phrase captured my imagination because I wanted to know what it would be like to live life with a currency of happiness only. How would that change living?

a tangible memory of intimacy

While “I love you” is a gift of its own, what’s even more powerful than those words? I think it’s the belief that the speaker of those words honestly and absolutely means them. After all, I’m sure you’ve experienced people who have asked “how are you?” and you know they don’t actually care to know, but then there are others who when they ask those same words, you know in your gut that they want the honest truth.

When did you abandon yourself?

Have you ever woken up one day and realized that you lost yourself? Whether you lost yourself to your job, someone else’s pain, a relationship, or some other thing, it’s important to look back and know the moment that you abandoned your self. But maybe, there are moments where you need to abandon yourself?

Healing hurts more than the wound

Isn’t amazing how excruciating it is to heal? The wound hurts, but the healing…it’s a long-term struggle and pain of its own. Sometimes you recover; sometimes you never do.

I’m keeping a promise to myself

What does it take to keep a promise to yourself? Or are you like me and you never keep promises to yourself? I’m learning to keep promises to myself — especially to myself. If I can’t keep a promise to myself, how can I keep promises to others.

heart expanding

How is it that my heart has space for more loving? When I think I’ve reached the capacity of loving, my heart expands. And there’s more room. More heart for more loving.

So, what’s the story here? Life is a story, and mine is still going. The last year has had some of the best and worst moments in my life yet, and I marvel at the resilience of humans to experience so much good and so much pain… and keep going. My brain is a phenomenal organ, and it can’t wrap around this.

I wish I had a witty, ditzy post for you this year, but I just don’t. I wish I could have figured out 31 Reasons to Laugh (a blog idea i had), but honestly, I’ve been choked up on sadness since December (and that’s okay). At the same time, I love these stories that I’m sharing.

So happy birthday to me, and thank YOU for being here.

Did one of these tiny fictions make you feel something? Which one gave you pause? I’d love to know so tell me in the comments or pull me aside if you know me in real life. <3

The Best Writing Advice I Wish I Practiced

January 18, 2021 Leave a Comment

The best writing advice I wish I practiced more comes down to four things. If you can implement these things into your own life pattern, you’ll be better off than me!

In the last few months, I’ve received private messages from acquaintances and off-handed comments from passersbys: “How did you do it?” and “I could never write a book.” and “What’s the secret?” and “That’s my dream someday.”

First of all, I’m no expert in the book author world — I’m still learning, but I figured I’d share what I’ve learned so maybe you can skip a few steps.

The Best Writing Advice I Wish I Practiced

Everyone has different rituals for getting the thing done. Some people like to write early in the morning before the sun is up while others prefer the company of late-night television. But these people share something in common.

Sit Your Butt Down

Don’t underestimate the power of sitting your butt down in your writing chair and getting words onto your blank page. For me, the blank page is actually the most difficult part. Once I have words, I can edit them. I can delete them. I can reshape them. They don’t have to be perfect. They just need to be there.

Choose a time of day, a place in your home, and a writing goal. Then do it.

Read What You Want To Write

One of the myths that I believed for a long time was that to be original, I should never read what I liked to read and hoped to write one day. Oh, yikes, you’re thinking. And you’re right (if that’s what you’re thinking!). Our brains are fantastic at creating connections. When you read brilliant writing, your brain captures some of the “how-to” and you’re secretly learning how to write better through the joy of great writing!

Seek out the best writers in your genre or field, and read their writing! Take time to ponder what makes their writing so great.

Talk to People Who Do What You Want to Do

Terrifying, right? I think so. The man in my life often says, “Why don’t you just ask?” I quiver in my boots, but then, I realize that he’s right. The most painless way to learn and make better connections is to just ask people who are further along the path. Chatting with someone who’s already published or written a rough draft or XYZ may help you skip a few hard-earned long routes that this other person dealt with! Just ask.

Join writers’ groups. Attend writing conferences (some are virtual). Follow your favorite writers on social media.

Take Yourself Seriously

So what you’re not XYZ yet! Whether that’s not published or haven’t written anything yet, take yourself seriously. You deserve it. Your dream deserves it. If you’ve written a rough draft, you can be proud of that. If you’ve written a book, be proud of your hard work (yes, there’s a difference between being-a-jerk proud and i-worked-hard proud).

Set aside time to figure out your next steps and don’t cancel on yourself and your dream.

From ages 5 to 18, I took dance classes twice a week. In that entire time, I never called myself a “dancer” because dancers were the professionals. It wasn’t until I quit dance classes that I realized I’d never taken myself seriously as a dancer. When I look back at that brain-thinking, I’m sad for past me. I am a dancer. After all, “dancer” is the noun for the action of the verb “dancing.” And even now, sometimes, you’ll catch me very seriously dancing in the car.

What I’m trying to say here is you’re a writer, especially if “all I do is write in a notebook” or “it’s just scribbles” or “no one would ever read my writing.”

What’s the best writing advice that you wish you practiced? Tell me in the comments!

On Resolutions: How to Reach Your Goals

January 11, 2021 Leave a Comment

Marketing campaigns really push New Year resolutions, don’t they? The voices on the radio, television ads, the pop-up on my favorite sites — get those resolutions together, people. And after the holidays, I think we’re all kind of feeling the extra sweets and comfort foods. But, wow, who’s so tired of hearing the messaging “new year, new you!”

For a few years now, I’ve thought resolutions were just… obnoxious.

My perspective of resolutions have always been that they’re this really crazy ideal, almost unobtainable, but you’ll shoot for it and inevitably fail. WHY WOULD I CHOOSE A RESOLUTION TO FAIL AT? Why would you? Why should you?

“But goals are good.” They say.

Oh my goodness yes. Goals are great. But, I’ll strongly support obtainable goals.

New year resolutions feel almost as crazy to me as asking for “world peace” in a world that has never truly experienced complete peace across our earth’s surface. Some nation is always at odds with another nation. It’s a nice idea, but that’s about it.

When it comes to resolutions, I like to ignore them. I don’t want to place unrealistic resolutions on my life. That’s not good for my mindset, health, etc.

Choose a Big Goal

Of course, I believe in having a big goal. This helps to inform your decisions throughout your life. If you decide that you want to write a book, then that’s going to take a lot of time and resources. Or, say, you want to become stronger but you don’t currently workout — this is still an obtainable goal. Perhaps you want to buy a house.

Once you know that something you want, you need smaller goals.

Plan Smaller Checkmarks

To write a novel-length book, you need to have a certain number of words (standard length is about 80,000 words). Therefore, break that down. Could you plan to have a certain number of words per week? What are the obstacles to those goals? How would you need to plan your schedule to create the time you need to write those words? What do you need to say no to so you can say yes to your writing?

To hit a new strength goal, you need to analyze your workout routine. If you don’t have a workout routine, what would work best for your life? How can you push yourself to put in the time, even when you won’t want to? Does that mean working out in the morning? Paying for a 6-month membership? Do you need to adjust your eating to support your strength goal?

To buy a house, you need to figure out what you need to make that happen, whether it’s finances or knowledge or a realtor. If you need to save money, you’ll need to explore your budget and breakdown your expenses. What do you need to say no to so you can say yes to your dream house? Are there adjustments you can make to your lifestyle to save a few more dollars here and there? How much work can you do on a house yourself so you don’t need to hire contractors?

Set Daily Focus

Every day, you’ll be met with the decision of whether or not you want to honor your bigger goal with your smaller checkmarks. Maybe some days, you’ll need to prioritize something else, but more than ever, to make your dream a reality, you’ll need to zero in on the small tasks to step toward your larger goal. It’s not easy. In fact, it’s straight up hard when you’re tempted with some of your other favorite things, whether it’s a snack or another time commitment.

Keep asking yourself, “What do I really want?”

When you have a surprise block of free time, keep it in focus. What do you want? Can you use this time to drive your dream forward?

don’t forget to reward yourself — i like snacks

All that said, don’t be afraid to exercise kindness to yourself when you experience a setback. Those are always a part of the deal. Walk through that setback and then ask yourself (or another wise person) how to adjust. Your dreams are important. Make them happen.