Do you know that one girl (or maybe your mom) who just has these crazy expectations–flat out impossible to fulfill? Yeah, that’s not my mom. That’s me.
I expect some pretty big things from myself. Never from you. Just from me honestly.
For example, I often end up hating my body because I still can’t do 5 chin-ups. A measly five! But then again, I also hate working out.
And then, there’s this impossible belief that I should instantly understand and speak languages from other countries. Obviously, I’m having some sort of personality crisis, expecting myself to be Dr. Who or some language superpower.
On top of all that, I expect perfection from myself. Nonsensical, right? No one expects that from me. Only me.
My self-talk goes like this:
I should be fluent in Spanish because I spent most of my life loving and studying the language.
I should be proficient at piano after the 10 years of studying it.
I should flourish in every situation, culture, people group, language, job and thing that I do.
I should never show weakness or insecurity because I am strong and capable.
As it is, I’d be lucky to be able to carry on any type of conversation with a native Spanish speaker, stumble my way through a simple piano piece, feel a tiny bit at home in a culture that I didn’t grow up in.
Obviously, there’s a problem here.
My expectations are choking the life out of me again (yeah, this isn’t a new problem) before I even get one chin-up completed.
Culture shock makes me look at my life again. What have I been unknowingly and ridiculously expecting of myself?
1. Having best friends after two weeks?
2. Knowing everything there is to know about my job?
3. Understanding a language I didn’t hear until a year and a half ago?
It takes people years to do these things in their home countries. Why would I ever think I could do these things in a shorter time in a country not my own? Talk about unreachable expectations.
No wonder I feel like I’ve been kicked hard in the gut! No wonder I miss my friends, family, and culture so much.
When you move anywhere, be it another country or just the next town over, life as you knew it shifted. Be kind to yourself and don’t expect the impossible! But take time to connect to the things or groups that interest you, and keep going even when all you feel is your lack of lifelong relationships with people.
My Culture Shock grace-to-self List
- For me, I will celebrate that I can hang from the chin-up bar for twenty-five seconds when before I could hold it for five seconds.
- And I’ll be happy that at my workout group, the girls are beginning to smile at me when I arrive.
- I’ll enjoy public transportation and walking around with my book in front of my face because people steer around you then.
- Five minute breaks at work for doing handstands in the break room.
- And eat the dang Pavlova if that’s what I want.
- (P.S. It’s okay to tell people that you miss your friends, family, and home.)
Let’s dial it down to being thankful for those tiny things that show bit by bit connection and improvement.
What About You?
How do you deal with culture shock?
