January 2021 Inspiration is here, and I’m not really here for it this year. I love beginnings. I love mornings. I love the start of a new month, a new day, a new year. That freshness — breathes hope into my lungs.
But this year, I feel heavy, and I know why… my baby niece died four days before Christmas, and that loss has stolen my will, my breath, my heart. It’s funny how such a small human, who was only just beginning to show her personality, captured our minds, our delight, and our attention.
Some days are fine. I wake up. I do the things. And then, there are days where everything feels pointless.
It’s been weird to grapple with grief like this when I’m not RIGHT at the epicenter of the loss. I’m a step away. But, you see, I had dreams of taking that lil Julia around the world someday, gifting her my favorite books, and hopefully inspiring her to be a better human by trying to be that myself. I won’t get to do any of that with her.
So this time, January doesn’t feel like quite the celebration that it usually feels like to me. I’m doing a lot of sleeping and a lot of eating. But, for the record, I made some decent strides to one of my fitness goals on January 2nd so not all is lost. #keepgoing
What I’m Being Inspired By
Current Jam:
Isn’t it funny that a song called “happiness” can be so very sad? Taylor Swift came in strong for all of this last year, and I just love her for it. I’m proud to share the same age with her 11 months out of the year. I really love this song for so many, many reasons. If you’ve been hurt in any relationship, then you know that there was happiness in the before, present, and after. And that’s good.
Current Food:
Christmas cookies and spiked tea — that’s where it’s at, folks!
Current Read:
Danielle Banas is a Pittsburgh author that I didn’t know about. I discovered her from the wonderful Instagram, and I immediately was interested in her YA science fiction. In fact, I started out my 2021 reading with her book The Good for Nothings, and it was the best decision I could make!
Current Obsession:
The Jackson Family (Alysha, Nate, Eva, Elias, and Ingrid the pup) are longtime friends, and they just purchased a 70s house in Ft. Wayne, Indiana, where they’re going to renovate the house to keep its charms but make it livable! They started an Instagram account @thejacksonfi to document that journey, and maybe someday you’ll be able to rent the house for a weekend (after their done and when they’re not there).
P.S. That’s Fiona’s sister in the picture (Ingrid).
Current Quote:
I’m just sitting over here exploring grief…howabout you?
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