Kind vs. Nice

by Barbara Brutt @BarbaraBrutt @cordiallybarbara

 

A month ago, I started to be irritated by the word “nice”. Is it because I’m not a nice person?

People almost always use “nice” interchangeably with “kind“. Are they the same?

Calling a man a “nice guy” is the kiss of death to his dating life. What is it about nice that makes us cringe?

[Tweet “”nice guy” is the kiss of death to a man’s dating life. Why’s nice makes us cringe?”]

I’ve complimented women on outfits or accessories before, and I’ve had a few of them respond with, “Oh, you are so kind.” And yet, am I kind for my compliments?

A dilemma.

 

My brain couldn’t handle all the thinking on its own (I’ve been bothered about these two words for months) so I went to the streets with my question. I asked on Facebook. I emailed people. I asked friends as we chowed down on burgers and fries at Vienna’s Burgerista.

Kind vs. Nice. What’s the difference between these two words?

Nice seems shallow.

Kind is something deeper?

Nice is less sincere than kind…

One friend’s stated, “Nice is just an action and can be used to get what you want. Kindness is from the heart and is about self-sacrifice.”

So we agree.

Kindness comes from the heart, and niceness is just an action. And yet, how do you know if someone is truly kind or just nice? How do you measure that? What does each word acted out look like?

[Tweet “Kindness comes from the heart, and niceness is just an action.”]

What if I told you kindness sometimes looks not nice?

One of my Facebook friends chimed in on the kind vs. nice discussion on my status. Deidre Stevens wrote, “Sometimes being kind is not being nice. I am kind to my students by forcing them to redo assignments that were not good enough, but they don’t think I’m being nice when I tell them their work is unacceptable. Kindness lasts longer and does more good than niceness.”

Hold up. What!

Deidre revealed an example of kindness in action, and in her students’ eyes, her kindness is not nice. (Not until they’re graduated and working their own career of course.)

I think this is key.

Kindness was beginning to solidify in my mind, but I was still lost when it came to niceness.

What if I told you nice is just a social expectation?

Another Facebook friend, Josh Mann, explained, “I think nice is equivalent to polite, a social expectation. Everyone should be “nice” to each other. Whatever the meaning of the original word, it’s been watered down to mean little more than “good” or “pleasant”. It’s such a “meh” word!”

Nice is such a “meh” word.

Everyone agrees that nice is nice…but Josh shared why. We expect people to be nice.

I think I’m finally understanding the difference between kind and nice.

Quick Shout Out: But I couldn’t have done it without an amazing community that enjoys discussing my questions and sharing their thoughts (thanks, you guys)!

Kindness ≠ Niceness

Kind is a heart action. It sees into the future and desires to better the life quality of others. This type of characteristic can be seen in the parent who teaches their child that certain behaviors are inappropriate (equipping this young human for future social interactions aka niceness) or the next-door neighbor who routinely shovels the widow’s driveway, gently refusing to be paid.

 

Nice is a social expectation. We’re expected to be polite in the presence of strangers, acquaintances, clients, employers, colleagues, relatives, aliens, etc. This type of politeness can be seen in the opening of a door for someone or gesturing to allow another car to pull out in front of you during rush hour.

[Tweet “”Kind” is a heart action while “nice” is a social expectation.”]

But what say you? Do you agree with how I’ve defined niceness and kindness or would you say it differently? Scroll down for the comments section.