I’m not sure how to feel about my birthday this year. I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out what to write, if I should write something, or if I should just pretend that my birthday didn’t happen. I mean, only some of you will know anyway.
Should I write something funny? Or maybe take a more serious perspective? Or perhaps, write a letter to myself ten years ago?
It’s been an adventurous year. I mean, heck, I’ve explored so many new countries. I’ve taken some really fun pictures in France, Italy, and Finland to name a few places. I’ve learned bits and pieces of new languages and new cultures. I’m living up to the meaning of my name (“foreigner” or “coming with joy”). I’ve eaten a lot of amazing food, hung out with incredible people, and realized that I am capable.
But, there’s a but. I have had a lot of highs, but the lows have been devastating. How do I write about a birthday that I have so many mixed feelings about? I’m not really where I hoped I would be by this birthday. So how do I write this?
Just write honestly. It was either that or post a blank post.
That’s how it seems this year. Blank. Space. Hahahha. Anyone else looking up T. Swift’s lyrics to see if I was going for a double meaning there? I just did look them up.
And no, I’m not. But really, I’m just thinking about how around this time, I’m usually dreaming big with ideas, plans, hopes, and designs on my new year. Sure, the new year began for the calendar on January 1, but my new year actually begins on my birthday.
It’s a chance to etch-a-sketch shake and begin again.
And it’s all blank space.
My quarter of a century year was an ear-marked season with notes scribbled into the margins, red pen editing whimsical imaginings, and a salty wetness wrinkling the pages boldly, sometimes smearing ink but often being the only story needed.
What do you do when a cherished slice of angel food cake turns out to be made with salt?
Why do you say yes to all the detours of life rather than focusing on priorities?
How do you grapple with the concept of an admired hero taking off a cape to reveal a more villainous nature?
When one of your strongest pillars in your architecture crumbles, causing structural damage?
You clean. That’s what you do. You pile up the rubble. You sort the recyclable things from the waste of the devastation, and then, you have blank space.
Happy Birthday, beautiful friend (a day late). Your journey is filled with echoes of holy. In this coming year, may you encounter beauty that heals, joy that inspires hope, tears that make new, and love that reminds you this journey is good and worth living with arms wide open. Much love to you!
Oh, wow. What a blessing you have spoken over me, Rachel. Thank you for taking time to still invest in my life even after years of not seeing each other. It means so much.