Birthdays are a lot of pressure. Each year, I take stock of what’s happened in the last year. I ask myself questions: did you do what you intended to do? what went wrong? what surprised you?
A strength of mine is high expectations. It’s also a very sharp double-edged sword, and I often end up sliced by those expectations of mine. Not sure if I’ll ever get better at that.
I’m always striving for more.
But that’s tiring. The end of 2018 dumped me into such a place of exhaustion from everything I’ve been trying to get better at. How do you obtain goals without working hard?
What’s the balance of rest and work?
My two proudest moments of 2018 represent two areas where I’ve been working so hard.
In October, I performed a rope duo with a friend for our student showcase. That act is one of the most physically taxing and stunning pieces I’ve had the honor to participate in. We spent months working on it and fine-tuning.
More than ever, I’ve loved the gift of moving. I’ve delighted in learning more aerial and CrossFit. I love seeing my muscles take me to a new level of skill and excellence. I never knew how amazing bodies were until I started asking mine to do crazy things, like hold other human beings and strict-pull-up the weight of me.
Then, in December, I read a portion of chapter 1 of Teal Paisley Tights to a group of people who came out to celebrate the book release with me. I wanted to pause the moment and drink it in. Here’s a dream that I didn’t know if it would ever come true. And it did…after nearly 9 years of work.
So I guess I did do what I intended to do this year. I performed a challenging aerial act. I published my first novel. And I learned a lot along the way.
Working hard is so important to dream chasing.
Maybe that’s the gift I’ve learned in my years on this planet. Work hard, and keep working hard. It’s okay to go slowly as long as you keep going.
I really wish I had something so amazingly enlightening to share. But I really don’t. Yes, this post is that awful mash-up of a stream of consciousness.
What went wrong? Oof, I had an unexpected job change during the last few months of 2018 (that didn’t add to my stress and exhaustion at all or anything like that). I enjoyed that job, but I love my new job even more.
What surprised me? I’m glad you asked. My heart surprised me by being more capable of caring for others than I could have thought possible. It beats.
What moments have I cherished? In the last year, my parents have been caring for my paternal grandmother. And I’ve gotten to participate in spending time with her so my parents could take care of other things. While I’d sit at my computer, she’d sit beside me working on Crossword puzzles until she forgot how to do those puzzles. And then, she would nap. Some days, I’d take her with me to my aerial classes so she could sit and watch.
What’s the best food I’ve had this year? Oy, that’s a tough one. Ummmmm. I still remember an amazing sandwich from my visit to Prague…4 years ago?! But, I think this year I’ll go with the discovery of Doce Taqueria and their amazing tacos.
Okay, so even though I wasn’t so sure about this birthday post, I think I’m glad that I took the time to spill it out. It’s revealed a lot of little gifts to me.
So thank you for taking the time to read and to go alongside my life in this last year. And let’s grab tacos, sometime, okay?
Great post, Barbara! Love the photos. I hope you had a wonderful birthday and it marks the start of another year of adventures for you. I agree – chasing dreams translates into hard work, but it’s the only way to make those dreams come true. Congratulations on the publication of your first book. I’ll order it today!
Susan, thank you so much for stopping by to read and comment! Chasing dreams is SO MUCH hard work, but it’s so satisfying too. I so hope you enjoy Teal Paisley Tights when you make time to read it!